i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
