so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
