We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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