I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize