i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
