Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
