girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
