I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
