the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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