May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
