i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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