If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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