insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
