just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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