He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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