# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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