i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
