I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
