I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
