We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
