You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
