i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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