why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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