I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
