Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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