I want to stick my p in your. b.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
