My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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