I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
