I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize