we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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