Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
