If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
