Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
