she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
