There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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