Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
