you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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