i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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