Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
