All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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