So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
