Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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