Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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