i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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