Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
