You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
