If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
