well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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