i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm determined to sit on that face.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
