That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
