i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize