having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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