Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
They took my balls.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
