Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
