Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
