Well douche your snatch and let's go!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
