people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
