If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize