Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
