I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
