I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My penis needs a shock collar
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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