I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
