Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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