i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
