Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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