Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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