My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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