RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize