i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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