I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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