omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
