I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
