those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
