remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
