dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
