we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
