I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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