I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize