i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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