just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize