Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
