I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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