I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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