Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you have to choose: penises or morals?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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