oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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