and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
