your parents love me but you hate me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
