Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
