she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
