why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
