It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
