I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
