Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize