I met the friendliest cop last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize