My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
