Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
