when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
