I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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