Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
