Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
