I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
only you would photoshop your dick
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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