Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
