I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You pole danced in your parka.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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