so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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